February 20, 2020
06:54 — The sun rises on the capital, bathing the golden coif of a very stable genius who, pondering the disposition of badgers during a national security briefing, once asked his top aide, “Are they mean to people? Or are they friendly creatures?”
07:18 — The sound of a toilet flushing — ten times, fifteen times, as opposed to once — can be heard banging through the pipes of the White House.
08:52 — A man who once scored eight (or was it ten?) uncontested goals against a squad of ex-NHL stars before chasing bears through the Siberian taiga pushes turbo on a disinformation blitz designed to help a very stable genius win re-election.
09:02 — Deep underground, surrounded by racks of flashing servers, starched and polished sleuths track Russia’s “Keep America Great” campaign. They maintain meticulous records for presentation to Congress.
09:37 — A very stable genius vents his id on Twitter.
11:10 — A very stable genius eats two cheeseburgers, a twice-baked potato, and four packs of Oreo cookies.
11:48 — Top election security officials at the Office of the Director of National Intelligence do their patriotic duty and brief Congress on Russia’s continued interference in U.S. elections.
12:20 — A very stable genius goes berserk after learning that the polished and starched have squealed on his running mates in the Kremlin. (Snitches get stitches, amirite?)
12:21 — A very stable genius appoints an unqualified lackey as Director of National Intelligence. Yes, he will prove inept, but let’s not forget what’s important here.
13:15 — Moscow Mitch tucks into a bowl of turtle soup.
14:29 — A gaggle of reporters mourns the demise of daily press briefings, a once noble tradition. What to do? What to do?
14:51 — Fox News issues a spirited apologetic for a convicted felon with a life-sized likeness of Tricky Dick tattooed on his back. He’s going to be an inmate soon, so yeah . . .
15:32 — A very stable genius burps into his hand and sniffs it.
16:19 — Officials in the Kremlin crack the champagne and spread the caviar. Time to celebrate another day of owning the West.
16:57 — A very stable genius sits behind the Resolute Desk thinking about badgers. He wonders how the critters function and behave, what kind of food they like, and how aggressive or deadly they could be when presented with perceived existential threats.
17:25 — Moscow Mitch giggles in the halls of Congress as a once-righteous generation goose-steps down Pennsylvania Ave.
17:40 — Fifteen flushes bang the pipes . . .
17:48 — Boomer goes catatonic listening to talk radio. Better than answering those haunting questions: Is it true that behind every MAGA hat is a failed revolution? Is “the wall” really a cradle? Why am I always so angry? And when, for Chrissake, do I get my pocketful of silver?
17:51 — The sun sets on another day of minority rule.
(CC BY-NC-SA 4.0) 2020 Micah Robbins